Speaking Of....

I speak of a variety of calamities within one's self. It could be mental, it could be physical. With every action there is a reaction, a consequence, a detriment. It seems as though the sun doesn't set the way it should, instead it just kind of floats behind a world of gray: Have you ever wondered your purpose on this world? Every day I wonder, why am I here, and of course I jokingly reply I'm here to be amused by the morons I deal with on a consistent basis.

No that is not the right way to see yourself. Each of us is here for a specific reason even if we aren't sure what that reason is. I believe in time it will be revealed. Death is rolling in every verse. Does that constitute a negative self face? Or should that inspire us to be a better person, a more productive member of society, a better leader, parent, friend, and maybe even foe for those who choose to sit in that position?

My ramblings may make no sense to those who read however they all make sense to me in some form or fashion. I'm thinking of the song by Linkin Park Valentine's Day....what it means to be alone on a Valentine's Day. I think, not just V-day, but every day. What does it mean to be alone in yourself? I've been alone in myself for 2 years and my daughter has been in this world for 15 almost 16 months. I fear the worst but hope for the best in her life. Many people believe I will have her come five years of age but my fear is that my pride, my arrogance, or ignorance (whichever it may be) will keep that from happening. I don't doubt the competence of her mother and as bitter as I am I cannot say something negative about her. She aided in making something so amazing and beautiful in that perfect little life of our daughter.

As you may see there is many things on my mind and they are incoherent and non sequential and out of order, however that seems to be the story of my life. As I come to a closure in my collegiate career I hope to make more sense of my own life and my own thoughts. I pray that I can become a better man, a better father, and eventually a better husband; god-willing.